Numb
by Rjvamp 369
Summary: What if something happened over the summer that Patricia thought was her fault? What if there was only one way to numb the pain? Mega Peddie! Please Reveiw!
1. Chapter 1

Patricia's P.O.V

I just finished placing my last earing into my ear and looked in the mirror. I sighed. I had made a promise to myself that every time someone would ask me if I was ok I would say 'I'm fine' even if I didn't mean it because I am Patricia Williamson and I fight threw pain. Well more precisely I numb it...with a razor. With everything that's happened this summer,it just seems impossibly for me to cope and I had to find a way. I turned away from the mirror ,grabbed my bags and hopped in the taxi that would lead me to Anubis house. Mabey this'll do me good. Being away from everything that's happened.

**At Anubis house**

Still Patricia's P.O.V

As Anubis house came into sight I felt the pit of my stomache twist. Was I ready to get back to normal routine? The taxi pulled over,I dragged my self out and grabbed my bags then began to walk to the front door. When I reached the entrance hall I chucked my bags down like many others. 'Patricia!' I heard someone yell,it was my best friend Joy.

'Hey Joy' I said as she gave me a hug.

'Oh my god Trish. Are you ok? I heard about what happened' he voice got softer for the last sentence

'I'm fine' I replied. Here we go,is all I could think. Suddenly I was flooded with hugs and how are yous and my replie was always 'I'm fine' and I hadn't ment it once. Then I saw my boyfriend Eddie who gave me a hug 'hey yacker, how you doing?' He said sweetly.

'I'm fine' I whispered giving him a kiss on the cheek.

**The next day**

Patricia's P.O.V

The first day of school. The day I had been dreading. Right now I'm waiting at the bottom of the stairs for Eddie so we can walk over together. Then he appeared from his room 'Hey yacker,you ready?' He asked. I smiled and nodded. I hadn't insulted him at all since we arrived which is really out of character. I just hope he doesn't notice. Next,Eddie and I headed out the front door and started walking. 'So yacker,you wanna do something tonight?' He asked.

'Urgh...what did you have in mind?' I asked.

'I was thinking dinner? You know at Anubis because I know you don't do restaurants' he said smiling at the last remark. 'Sure' I replied. The rest of the walk to school was just built up from hand holding and small talk. When we reached the school our first lesson was english...oh joy. As we reached the classroom Eddie went to take his seat. I slowly continued to walk to mine whilst hearing faint whispers 'is that her' one girl said.

'Look at her,I can't believe they let her come to school' another said. Finally I reached my seat but the whispering continued. The entire class was a blur. Everything the teacher said had been blurred but the whispering gradually became more clear. I let out a deep breath at the noise of the bell for the end of class and ran to the bathroom before anyone could catch me. I pulled out the razor. I dragged it over my skin whilst whispering to myself 'your fault'


	2. Chapter 2

Patricia's P.O.V

I put my razor away when I heard the bell for my next class. I quickly wiped the blood off my wrist with a paper towel ,then pulled my sleeve down. I began to walk to my classroom when an announcement over the speakers went off. 'Could Patricia Williamson please report to my office immediately,thankyou' I groaned at the voice of my head teacher Mr sweet and made my way to his office. When I reached it I knocked on his door,it opened almost immediately. 'Aw,Patricia,come in,sit down' he said. I nodded and took a seat facing his desk. He then went to sit on the seat behind it. 'Patricia, I can't imagine what this summer has been like for you' he said softly.

'It's been hard' I replied. He gave me a sympathetic look.

'How's class? Any problems?' He asked. My mind flashed back to the whispers.

'No' i lied. By his face I could tell he knew I was being deceptive.

'Patricia,as your head teacher it's my job to look out for you as one of my student's. So please don't hold back.' He said softly.I took a deep breath.

'I just hate being paranoid all the time,feeling like everyone's whispering about me' I mumbled. Mr sweet nodded like he knew the feeling. 'I know Patricia but you shouldn't be worried,when a new piece of gossip or rumour begins to fly round your story will be completely forgotten' he said his voice growing lighter towards the end. 'Right' I whispered.'can I go now?' I said in a rude tone.

'Of course' He replied. Then I fast walked out of his office as soon as I could.

'Patricia!' Someone shouted. I spun round. It was Eddie.

'Eddie? Shouldn't you be in class?' I asked. He walked over to me and grabbed my hand.

'I waited for you after you practically ran off after English' he replied sweetly. I smiled and kissed his cheek. 'Thanks' then we walked back to Anubis house because neither of us felt like attending a next class.

When we arrived back at Anubis house I collapsed on the sofa with Eddie next to me. 'So what did my dad want to talk to you about?' He asked.

'Just to check if I was ok' I replied leaning my head on his shoulder.

'Well,you are ok...right yacker?' He whispered. I paused.

'I guess' I mumbled. Eddie turned to face me.

'Yacker,it wasn't your fault,you know that right?' He said with a serious expression.

'I..uh..' I couldn't replie. I didn't know what to say. I could feel tears forming in my eyes. So I jumped off the sofa and and stood up. 'I'm sorry Eddie...I..I can't' I croaked and walked off back up to my room. Then the tears really began to fall,to make matters worse Eddie had followed me and could see me. I tried to hold them back but I couldn't. It was to much. I held my hand against the pit of my stomache and collapsed to my knees. Eddie then ran over and knelt down beside me and pulled me into his chest. 'Shhh,yacker,it's ok?' He whispered,stroking my hair.

'It..it hurts..Eddie and...its..its all...my...fault' I cried.

'No Patricia you can't think that. I mean your Patricia,you're strong,you're beautiful,you're good' he said. I shook my head 'no...I can't blame anyone else anymore,it's because of me,everything it because of me' I moaned. He hugged me tighter. Until eventually I fell asleep and was put to bed.


	3. Chapter 3

Patricia's P.O.V

I woke up to the sound of silence. I pulled myself out of bed and looked around. It was diserted,I sighed and pulled out my laptop. I logged on to Facebook to be horrified. I was the talk of the internet. I read some comments,they all said the same thing '_how can she live with herself','she makes me sick', 'stay away from her,you could get hurt_ ' I slammed my laptop shut and started to cry. That's what people really think of me?. I started to breath heavily,I couldn't take it anymore. I ran to the bathroom and pulled out my razor and sliced it across my wrist. I watched the blood slowly ooze out and I got a quick adrenaline rush. Then I put the razor away and put pressure on my wrist to stop the bleeding. I then pulled down my sleeve and made my way down stairs.

I was met with the gazes of KT,Eddie and Fabian who where the only ones at the breakfast table. ''Hey guys,where is every body?'' I asked. They turned to look at eachother.

''They ur went to school early'' KT said. I nodded. Something was up. What are they hiding?

''Ok,whats going on?' I asked. They all looked at eachother once more. ''Tell me'' I demanded.

''Look theres alot of stuff going around school about you. But we know it's not true but I guess the others thought it was'' Eddie said. I gave them a confused look.

''So they're avoiding me'' I sighed. I felt sick,I thought they where my friends. Then Eddie got up and put his arm around my shoulder. ''They're not avoiding you,it's just peer pressure,you know'' he said comfortingly. I nodded. Then we did the thing I was dreading...go to school,the first day had seemed ok,apart from the whispers. But something told me today was gonna be worse.

Once we got to school I was hit with glares and the occasional bitchy comment. I always shook it off because I am Patricia Williamson. But,believe me. I was hurting...so,so bad. I began to walk to the toilets and stopped dead in my tracks at the entrance. There was a group of girls laughing and talking. Then they saw me ''oh look guys it's Patricia,should have bought the disinfectant'' one said. The others laughed. ''Did you like the video I posted on Facebook. I found it hilarious'' she said and turned to the other girls ''You guys have seen it right?'' She asked,they all laughed and nodded.

''What video?'' I asked. They all giggled and left. I could feel tears forming. I ran to the closest cubical and pulled out my laptop and logged on to Facebook and clicked play on the video.I watched in tears. The video was a complete replay of the accident but at the end a word came across the screen,it read _murderer._ I slammed my laptop and cried even harder. I then walked out of the toilets and saw Joy. ''Hey Joy!'' I yelled running to Joy. She turned.

''Look Trish,I'm sorry but you gotta leave me alone'' she said.

''But Joy'' I began but I was cut off.

''Look I'm sorry ok'' and with that she walked off. I couldn't take it anymore. I ran back to Anubis house,went to my room and slammed the door. I then began to cry harder than ever.I pulled out my laptop once more and logged on to Facebook. I clicked the video record button and sat on my bed and began to make my video. ''I'm Patricia Williamson...and I don't know why everybody hates me so much,but then again I guess I do,cause now I hate me to. And right now I don't see the point in trying to change that...I'm just done...so that's it I guess...bye.'' I clicked stop on the video.

**kinda copied the movie cyberbully a bit in this chapter.**


	4. Chapter 4

Patricia's P.O.V

After posting the video I ran to the bathroom and pulled out my razor. As I did,memories of that night flowed back into my head.

_Flashback_

_''Patricia sweety do you mind driving us home tonight,your farther and I have had a little to much to drink'' my mum asked tossing me the car keys._

_''Sure mum'' I replied,causally making my way to the front seat. My parents then clambered into the back and started chatting. I smiled and turned on the engine. ''So what time will Piper be back mum?'' I asked. My twin sister had decided to take the night off to go out with her friends to leave me here alone with my parents. ''I don't know hun,but Im sure she'll be home soon.'' She replied. I nodded and began to drive. It was very dark for a summer evening which seemed very odd but I kept my eyes on the road,after all,I had only just gotten my licence. I took the first right off the main road,where...another car came hurtling towards us. I screamed and turned the wheel sharply. The car began to spin vigorously,I couldn't control it. My parents began to scream aswell. Then,all of a sudden the car stopped spinning. I took a deep breath and turned around to my parents ''You ok?'' I asked. They nodded. I froze at the sight of a lorry speeding towards us._

_''Patricia whats wrong?'' They asked. Before I could tell them, the huge lorry came crashing into the back of the car...Blackout._

I took a deep breath. I killed them. It was my fault. I put the razor against my skin and...I couldn't do it. I couldn't kill myself. Was I really that cowardly? I killed my parents! I deserve this!Why can't I do it! I screamed and threw the razor onto the ground. Suddenly the door burst open to reveal Eddie ''Yacker! What the hell are you doing! I saw the video!'' He yelled,then he stopped and starred at my uncovered wrist still filled with scars. ''What the hell have you been doing to yourself?'' He whispered. I could feel tears forming in my eyes. Eddie looked at me and quickly pulled me into a hug ''Don't you ever scare me like that again''


	5. Chapter 5

Patricia's P.O.V

I lay in bed on top of Eddie's chest while he stroked my hair. ''How can I go to school tommorrow,they'll think I'm crazy'' I sobbed. Eddie held me tigher.

''Come on yacker,it'll be fine,we deleted the video. I bet barely anyone saw it'' he whispered comfortingly. I know Eddie was trying his best to help me but he didn't understand. No one understands. I'm the one who has to live with this unbearable hate for myself. ''Yacker?'' Eddie asked. I sniffed.

''Yeah?''

''Would you have done it. You know,kill yourself?'' He asked with a sense of fear in his voice.

''I wanted to. I really did but I don't think I would've gone through with it'' I said. I couldn't lie to Eddie. Not after everything. ''Do you still want to?'' Eddie mumbled. I froze. What could I say?

''Yes'' I whispered. I felt Eddie go tense. We then lay there in silence for a minute. Then suddenly Eddie jumped out of the bed and stood up. ''Patricia do you know how selfish you're being?!''he yelled. I sat up in shock. He was yelling at me.''Excuse me'' i hissed. Eddie bit his lip.

''Patricia there are people who care about you! How do you think they would feel if you killed yourself?! What about Piper!? Where you just planning to leave alone to suffer!? And what about me!? I love you,how could you do that to me?!'' He exclaimed. I just sat there shocked. I knew he was right but that didn't change the fact I wanted to die. I then realized I was crying. I was so angry with Eddie. He couldn't just yell at me like this. ''Get out'' i mumbled. Eddie stared at me.

''What?'' He asked.

''Get out!'' I yelled. Eddie was now the one shocked but did as I said,closing the door behind him.

I then reached into my draw to pull out a photo of my mum and dad. ''I'm sorry I let you down.''I cried. ''I don't wanna go on without you'' I moaned,kissing the photo and placing it back in my draw.


	6. Chapter 6

Patricia's P.O.V

I walked through the grave yard,past all the graves. I wondered how many people felt the same pain I did?I wonder how many people are in the same position I'm in? I sighed and brushed of the thought. Then I came to my destination,a regular grave with the words:

_Katie & Conner Williamson_

_Loving Parents and friend_

I groaned at the words. What genius came up with that one? I sniffed and Kneeled down by the grave. ''I'm s-s-so s-sorry. I'm t-trying to be s-s-strong for you b-but I-I can't,it's just a d-d-distraction. I can't move on...a-and I don't want to. If t-that makes me weak,then fine I'm weak. But I just c-can't stand you not being here,I j-just can't'' I cried The tears where really pouring and I hated it. I've lost everyone. My mum,my dad,my sister won't look at me and I even pushed Eddie away,the one guy who actually cares about me...and he's gone! ''Patricia?'' A voice said. I turned around in shock to see Eddie. ''W-what are y-you doing here?'' I stuttered.

''I followed you,I thought you where gonna try something again'' he mumbled. I wiped my eyes.

''Well I'm not,so you can leave ok'' I hissed,which I instantly regretted. Eddie then kneeled next to me and placed his arm around me ''I'm not leaving ok. I'm sorry I snapped. I just care about you alot'' he said. I nodded and leant my head on his shoulder.

''I know'' I whispered.

''I love you so much. This really wasn't your fault trish'' he said.

''Yes it was'' i mummbled.

''No, Patricia it really wasn't,you're a good person...a great girlfriend and an amazing friend'' he said. I started crying again but not from saddness,not this time.

**Copied a little from tvd when Elena is at jers grave. Please reveiw. Hope you like it :)**


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